How to help a teen/someone who is self harming?
Not to stereotype or generalize but in my work as a crisis counsellor in the past and as a youth workshop lead with various organizations, I would often interact with youth who were/are using self harm as a coping mechanism for/against things happening in their lives ( Friendship betrayals, bullying, toxic home environment, mental health challenges, trauma about which they couldnt open up with a trusted adult and for many other reasons.) In my opinion, why they do it, doesn’t matter as much as what we can do as responsible adults, as a society, as trained clincians, as a supportive/caring friend to help those who are suffering. Although, our intention is not to alarm anyone who finds out that an individual is ‘self harming’, or to judge those who are suffering but it is a serious issue that requires immediate attention and professional help.
If you would like to support someone who is going through self harming or notice something is off, consider these steps:
Take the behavior seriously: I have seen adults in the life of a teenagers label them as difficult or defiant and not recognizing that underneath such behaviours could be emotional or psychological distress. Yes, it could be call for attention and perhaps in a negative way so don't dismiss the behavior or try to minimize it. Take a moment to reflect as to what could be the right thing to do. Many times those who are struggling are put on medications which may or may not be helpful.
Connect and spark a conversation: Can you initiate a dialogue with them in a way that is non-threatening, nonjudgmental and show them that you care and want to help.Ask them how can you be of help? Ask them what they need?
Encourage the teenager to seek professional help: If the teenager is willing, encourage them to see a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counsellor but there should be a buy in from them. One cannot be forced to go to the therapist. In order for therapy to work, connect between counsellor and the client is really important especially in case of youth. They may also benefit from seeing a doctor or nurse to address any physical injuries from self-harm.
Remove any objects that the teenager uses for self-harm: This can include sharp objects, such as razors or scissors, as well as other objects that the teenager may use to hurt themselves and give them an explanation that its not about you controlling their lives but your desire to keep them safe. They may or may not understand this cognitively but deep down they need to feel that you actually care for them and want to be as supportive as possible ( not of their behaviour but in other ways.)
Encourage healthy coping mechanisms and create space for difficult emotions: Encourage the teenagers to find healthy ways to cope with their emotions, such as talking to someone, writing in a journal, or participating in activities that bring them joy. Trying out new activities, tapping into their areas of interest is important so they can turn to something positive to move through their emotions and pain.
Seek support for yourself: Caregivers burden is a realy thing. If you yourself are distressed and dont have capacity to be their for someone in a best possible way, tap into your own self care activities or get help if needed/ as needed.
We hope you’ll reflect on some of these points and figure out ways to support those you love. We humanbeings are resilient and by being their for each other we can overcome many life challenges.
