8 Tips to improve communication with your partner?
You and I, both probably know and can possibly agree that effective communication is one of the keys to any healthy relationship. We communicate not only with our words but also with our bodies, our energy and several other subtle ways. If you are sensing that something is off in your relationship and you need to work on your communication skills then you are not alone. We often hear this in our line of work and our therapist team, here at Wellness North has some tips to share with you that can be helpful in assisting you in improving your relationship with your partner:
Start by listening to them actively - When your partner is speaking, give them your full attention and try to really understand their perspective/thoughts and emotions. Avoid interrupting or getting defensive, and instead try to focus on what they're saying and how you can support them. Getting into defense mode or playing blame-game is damaging to relationships.
How often do you use ‘ I ‘ statements in your communication? In order to express your feelings and needs practice using "I" statements. For example, instead of saying "You always forget to take out the trash," try saying "I feel frustrated when the trash isn't taken out because it's something we agreed to share." Another example, consider these two statements, “you never plan any dates” vs “I feel I am not valued as we never go out on any dates.” or “ I feel I am loosing connection with you as we dont go out on dates anymore.”
Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes and try to understand their perspective. This can help reduce misunderstandings and conflict. This is called emotional attunement and more you practice tuning into their needs, you’ll be able to empathize with them. Invite empathy in your communication rather than taking things personally.
Criticism and judgment can be hurtful and feel disrespectful, dismissive or aggressive. Instead of criticizing your partner, try to express your concerns in a non-judgmental way and focus on finding solutions. Think of yourself as a team against the world as oppose to being against each other. Write the golden rule in your life book to ‘avoid criticism and judgment.’
Note to self, not to use "you" statements: Like criticism and judgment, "you" statements can be confrontational and damaging to a relationship. Instead of saying "You always make me feel ignored," try saying "I feel ignored when we don't spend quality time together."
Make time for meaningful conversations: It's important to set aside dedicated time to have meaningful conversations with your partner. This could be a weekly check-in or a longer, more in-depth conversation. Share your emotions with your partner on regular basis and remind yourself that they are human beings and not a mind reader.
Seek help if needed and as needed: If you're having trouble communicating with your partner, it may be helpful to seek the assistance of a therapist or counselor. They can help you identify any underlying issues and provide guidance on how to improve your communication. They are objective observers of interaction between you two as oppose to subjective parties like your friends and family members. Our therapists have additional training in Gottman, EFT and developmental models of couples therapy. We all also take regular workshops an d support each other with cases through consultations and supervision.
Practice patience and be consistent: Effective communication takes time and practice. Be patient with yourself and your partner and remember that it's a process and you both deserve love and care.
