Nine Practical Tips to build Active Listening Skills?
Many times when clients reach out to us, they know whats not working. One of the common things, we often hear is ‘ I need to communicate better.’ Many people are not communicating well with their loved ones, colleagues, friends or other people in their lives. It’s really important to reflect, “ What happened for me in that interaction?” In the moment, we might not be able to decipher what happened but if we patiently and calmly reflect on our experience we might get more clarity. Our hand picked, trained and highly skilled counsellors are well- educated and experts in helping folks understand their experiences, past triggers and traumas as well as unraveling the patterns that are not working any more and are creating disconnect.
One of the key things is that we’ve become distracted as a society. Perhaps, we are pre-occupied or self-absorbed or were never given the tools to actively listen to our partners, friends, family members or colleagues. It’s a known fact that active listening is one of the key components of effective communication. It involves giving someone your undivided attention and trying to understand their perspective. It requires acumen, focus and our full presence. It is very easy to lose attention and focus because there is so much stimulus around us that is vying for our attention. Hope these tips we are sharing below, will help you develop this essential skill that will be a game changer for your communication.
Develop the art of paying attention: When someone is speaking, give them your full attention ( goes to show them that you are actually listening and makes them feel that they are important) and try to really focus on what they're saying. Avoid distractions like phones or other screens, and try to eliminate any other distractions in the environment. For important conversations, there is usually the right time, place and atmoshphere.
Show that you're listening: Use nonverbal cues like nodding or maintaining eye contact to show that you're listening. You can also repeat back what the person has said or ask clarifying questions to demonstrate that you're paying attention. Sometimes clarifying questions can be annoying for the person who is delivering the message so ask them whether its ok to interrupt them or would they prefer you let them finish first and then ask/say what is on your mind.
Is it a conversation, lecture delivery or message broadcasting: Typically it is important to let the other person finish speaking before jumping in with your own thoughts or responses. If you are afraid that you’ll forget a certain point, you can always jot it down, interrupting can be perceived as disrespectful (however, in certain cultures - if its not interactive, it could be considered that you arent paying attention and your mind is elsewhere so get clarifications like we said in point 2). If your company CEO is leading the meeting, perhaps its a lecture format and you might have to just listen and not interrupt. So in the context of workplace, a lot will depend on your company culture. Many times when we interrupt, other party feels that they cannot fully express themselves.
Try to understand the other person's perspective: When listening to someone, try to put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their perspective. This can help reduce misunderstandings and conflict. This would require emotional intelligence. Notice what you are feeling and then assess if you can understand what the other person is feeling/ could be feeling or is thinking.
Practice empathy: Empathy involves being able to understand and share the feelings of others. When listening to someone, try to demonstrate empathy by acknowledging their emotions and showing that you understand how they feel. This can enhance the quality of your personal and professional relationships.
Avoid judgment: It's important to listen without judgment or criticism. This means avoiding making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, and instead trying to understand where the other person is coming from. If a critical voice pops up, put it aside or tell it to come back later. Less you invite it, it might start to distance itself from you. Many times when we judge others, it can be reflection of our own insecurities. Ask yourself, do i have a hidden agenda behind this judgment and criticism? Where is this coming from and what do i need to do about it? Have a conversation with judgment later on but stay present in the moment when engaging with someone to get the most out of conversation.
Take breaks: If you're having a lengthy or difficult conversation, it can be helpful to take breaks to allow both parties to process and reflect on what's been said. Our attention spans are limited and we deserves rest, relaxation and recharge before continuing debating, discussing, exploring important topics.
Practice: Like any skill, active listening takes practice. Try to incorporate active listening into your daily conversations and be mindful of your listening habits.
Seek feedback from others: you can always check in with your friends and family to see what they think of your listening skills development exercise? Perhaps they notice some growth and improvement. If you are continously hearing ‘ you don’t listen’ ‘ are you even listening?’ ‘ why dont you every listen’ etc then you know that some professional help may be needed.
