How to stand up to your toxic boss without being fired?
So you think you’ve got a toxic boss? Having to deal with a superior who isn’t supportive can add a load of stress to your personal and professional life. Since we work with many professionals in white and blue collared jobs, we’ve seen, heard and supported folks in a variety of different scenarios and challenging situations. Our services are covered through extended health plans as we are master- level clinicians and registered in BC, Canada so we encourage you to reach out to us.
Our team has some suggestions and recommendations to find a way out of a situation where you are being treated unfairly or poorly. Many times folks don’t take an action (stay in the same old boring job) or make a rash decision (like quite quitting) when concerned about being fired.
Who have you talked to about this? We would highly recommend to examine whether it’s just you or other people in your workplace also feel that they are dealing with poor management and a leader who lacks leadership skills. Go ahead and seek support to ensure you are not alone in this. It can be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about your situation. They can provide a safe and supportive space to process your feelings and work through any underlying issues.
Would going beyond your boss and talking to HR be helpful? Start by documenting the behaviour. Yes, there is a lot of talk in the work places these days about anti-racism, anti-bullying, anti-harrasment and mental health support but is it all lip-service or do they actually take concrete actions to support you. If their are certain behaviours that in your opinion are unacceptable, start by documenting them. Keep a record of any toxic behavior or incidents that have occurred. This can help you build a strong case IF you decide to take further action. If is a big word here as we do want you to examine pros and cons of the actions you are wanting to take.
Have you discussed your concerns with your boss? We are huge proponents of transparency and open communication. If you feel comfortable doing so, try talking to your boss about the toxic behavior and how it's affecting you. Be clear and direct, and try to stay calm and focused. It’s like talking the bull by the horn but you never know if your boss might be undergoing some personal struggles. Talking directly to him could be anxiety provoking and we dont want you to have a complete meltdown but perhaps think of what you want to say, how you want to say it, would writing it down be helpful?
Use "I" statements: Rather than attacking or blaming your boss, try to express your feelings and needs using "I" statements. For example, instead of saying "You're always yelling at me," try saying "I feel disrespected when you yell at me and would appreciate it if you could communicate more respectfully." or “ You always give me things to do at the last minute versus I feel pressured when I am given taks beyond my scope”
What have you done to demonstrate your worth, take accountability of your actions and to establish clear boundaries ? Now, this might sound hard but since we are trying to be objective here and often challenge distorted cognitions in our work, we are asking you to take a moment to reflect on the whole situation or events you might have experienced with your boss. Do you feel you did your job properly? Is it a me issue, boss issue or a company wide issue? Were you able to set your boundaries clearly right from the get go? You are a unique you and it’s important to protect your time and energy. This could simply include setting limits on how much overtime you're willing to work or saying no to tasks that are outside of your job scope.
Seek mediation if needed: If the toxic behavior continues or becomes more severe, you may want to consider seeking mediation or seeking guidance from a higher-up or HR. You might consider switching jobs if you feel your boss’s personality type doesnt work for you but recognize the fact that you might find people like your boss in the next job too. Could you change teams? Is there something about your own behaviour or mindset that you can change? Would taking time off work to deal with everything else in your life help?
Depending on different scenarios and contexts, plan of action can vary and outcomes can differ but we want you to feel supported and heard. We hope the above tips give you some food for thought. Remember our team is here to help you deal with work stress and process your emotions.
Also check out our post : How to be assertive at work?
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