How do you know if you are in a relationship with a Narcissist?
When I use to work with a social organization dedicated to Women’s wellbeing, I had the responsibility, privilege, honour, opportunity (call it whatever you think would be appropriate) to support women in abusive relationships. My fellow counsellors and I would often get asked, do you think I am in a relationship with a Narcissist? Sometimes, it would be evident from all the horror stories we would hear and sometimes it was hard to tell. We would notice power and control cycles all the time in Intimate partner relationships. If you are wondering, if you are in a relationship with a Narcissist then these signs might give you some clairty. What my colleagues and I’ve seen, heard and learnt in my work and in the clinical setting is:
Beware of Gaslighting: A narcissist may manipulate someone by making them doubt their own perceptions, memories, or feelings. They may deny that something happened, tell the person they are crazy, or make them feel like they are overreacting. This is the most common one. It leaves the victim feeling so confused and its really sad. Ofcourse, sometimes substance abuse and previous history of trauma was the issue too but narcissists would often minimize and gaslight their victims experience.
Blame-shifting: A narcissist may refuse to take responsibility for their own actions and instead blame others for their problems or mistakes. It’s exahusting being in a relationship with a narcissist becare they make everything your fault instead of acknowledging their role in the interaction. They may make excuses, deflect criticism, or even accuse the other person of being the problem - “It’s not me, It’s you.” Everyone needs to take some accountability for their actions and should work on becoming a better person rather than being angry at their partner when they dont get their way.
Triangulation: A narcissist may involve a third party in a relationship or conflict to create drama or tension. They may pit two people against each other, or use a third party to undermine someone's confidence or loyalty. I had a couple I was working with and one partner would always involve extended family members and friends to side with them or create chaos.
Hoovering: A narcissist may try to reel someone back in after they have tried to leave or end the relationship. They may use charm, flattery, or promises of change to convince the person to come back, only to revert to their old behavior once they have re-established control. I tell my clients to beware - set boundaries and have some non negotiables ( of course reasonable ones). Love bombing can happen frequently and how often can you really forgive someone before they break your heart and trust again.
Withholding: A narcissist may withhold love, attention, or other forms of emotional support as a way of exerting control. They may make the person feel like they have to earn their love or approval, or punish them by withholding affection or attention. Many times there is financial manipulation involved as well.
These are just a few examples of ways that narcissists may exploit others in interpersonal relationships. Not all narcissists will exhibit all of these behaviors, and not everyone who exhibits these behaviors is necessarily a narcissist. However, if you are experiencing these types of behaviors in a relationship, it may be a sign that the relationship is unhealthy and potentially abusive.
Our team is here to support you so please dont hesitate to reach out if you need help. Contact Us.
